Reckless
by Spider-e
Summary: If only Roxas could remember... akuroku, slash, lemon in later chapters, NON-AU non fluff, slightly on the angsty side please R
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_I want to burn him…_

"Yes master."

_I want to see his clothes melt into his skin so there's no beginning and end with his skin and the cloth that covers him._

"I will return with him master,"

_I want his skin to melt…_

"I will bring him to you…"

_Burnt beyond recognition…._

"Dead or alive."

"I will not look kindly if you fail Axel."

"Yes sir, I know sir."

"So don't fail me like the others did."

VIII

_Day 1._

_First day of the holidays… kind of looking forward to it. I've met some friends. They're okay._

_What is troubling me though is…. Why can't I remember the past few weeks before holidays started? I mean, it was only school and everyday habit that no-one does remember but normally, you do remember tit-bits, like what you had for dinner a particular night or something. I don't know, maybe I'm just exhausted… _

_I do actually feel more lethargic lately… or maybe I'm going crazy…_

_For starters, I am talking to a friggin' book._

XIII

"Come on Roxas… It's the holidays, come to the beach with us."

"I'm not up to it today guys, you go ahead."

"We are not going anywhere without you Roxas."

"Well, I've have no choice…"

"No you don't. Now hurry up., summer doesn't last forever."

Roxas surged to his feet and felt a smile work its way onto his face. His three friends looked like five year-olds at Christmas.

"You guys can't love me _that_ much?"

"No we don't love you… but we know if we leave you alone you're likely to break something."

"Very funny Hayner."

"Ice cream's on me guys!" cheered Pence as Roxas locked the gate to their hangout behind them, "seriously?" asked Ollette, a hopeful giggle merging with her words. "Seriously."

"But where did you get the money for them?" Roxas asked, not remembering any time when Pence had earned money. "I was taking some snaps at the town and this guy came up to me. Asked me whether I could let him use my camera."

"You gave it to him." "Yep." "Geez Pence, you're the smartest one out of all of us. What the hell?" exclaimed Hayner.

"No I just didn't give it to him, I said he would have to give me the amount of money I paid for the camera as a backup in case he stole it."

"And he gave you the money." "Yep. Right there and then." "That's a good deal I must admit."

"Yeah but when he was finished he gave me my camera back and when I went to get the money out he said that I could keep it."

The other three frowned.

"What exactly did he take a picture of Pence?" asked Roxas.

"He took a picture of the sandlot."

"Weirdo."

The four had reached the train station.

"You guys go ahead, I'll be right there." Called Roxas as he bent to tie his shoelace.

"Okay, hurry up!" shouted back Ollette.

Roxas felt a small shit in the breeze, as if someone had just run past him. He looked up.

What he saw made him gasp and shut his eyes.

"Nothings there Roxas, just get up." Roxas got to his feet and looked to the corner where it was. _It _was gone.

He quickly caught up with his friends, trying to hide the small tinges of apprehension and déjvu as he got on the train.

XIII

_Day 2._

_Do you know the feeling of waking and not being sure whether you're still asleep? Yeah, that sounds fucked._

_But, its kind of like being woken suddenly from a deep sleep and only being slightly aware of what's happening, then you start to merge your dreams with what you're seeing before you fully wake…_

_What about the feeling you get when you see something, and you feel like you've seen it before, then you realise you've seen it in a dream… or a nightmare?_

_I'm not completely sure what I saw, but I know I've never seen it in the flesh before, I've only seen it when I'm asleep. Or maybe it just looked familiar, or something sparked the memory of my dream and it was only like a second-long illusion?_

_Though… there's nothing near the station that is as red as… that._

**A/N: **disclaimer: I own neither the game or its characters.

I suck. I really should be doing my h/w.


	2. Chapter 2

"What is taking you so long?"

_I can't do it._

"It's Diz..."

"What about him?"

_I don't want to hurt him again..._

"He gets in my way..."

"Then get rid of him!"

_I want him with me,_

"You know that if you fail Axel,"

_I know that's not the best thing for him._

"You will be eliminated."

"Yes master."

VIII

_Day 3_

_I'm feeling even worse than yesterday_

_And I'm pissed. Why can't they see that I need to be alone for even a little while? They're so noisy, their voices, their thoughts, their worries, they all fill my head... and it's filling up fast. I'm even having trouble remembering who's problems were who's and stuff like that. _

_I know its summer holidays but there _are _a full 6 weeks of them…. It was kinda fun anyway. _

_Along with my hearing voices and whatnot, I'm also having nightmares… or bad dreams… in my dream… all I see is red, the buildings are red, the people are red… and I also smell smoke, like there is a fire right next to me._

_It's an unpleasant sensation but the red it feels… familiar? The thing is, I'm sure I've never had this dream before, until the flash of red, now the dream is reoccurring… well I am definitely losing my mind, I seem to remember my dreams perfectly, yet I feel like a 80 year-old with Alzheimer's when I'm awake…_

XIII

"That's complete and utter bullshit Roxas and you know it is!"

"But I-" Hayner held his hand up to silence Roxas. "You _are _coming with us whether you like it or not." Said Hayner quietly, a slight maniacal spark in his eyes. "It's the holidays… I want it to be fun. You won't let me have fun. You never let me have fun. I'm your best friend; it's my duty to stay with you. If you stay here all day, we'll _both _miss out…" Hayner suddenly said, all in one breath, his expression quickly changing from mad to pouty.

"Okay okay I'll come." Replied Roxas exasperatedly.

"Hey chicken-wuss and _mizz pms_!" Roxas and Hayner turned to see Seifer and co. tramp across the square. "Heh, great… Another nickname……. Hey wait a moment…" "So you like your new nickname Roxy?" asked Seifer, his lips puckered and batting his eyelashes.

"Where the hell did you get _mizz pms _from?" "We see you, gettin all emotional, trying to stay away from water as if you have your period, always wanting to stay home…. Ah! I bet you've been knitting tea-cosies and crocheting doilies."

"Fuck you Seifer, what do you want anyway?" "Hey chicken-wuss, as head of security I need to do some investigation from time to time. A man came to me, asked for you _missy, _told me to give you this."

Seifer handed Roxas a photograph of the sandlot.

"Huh?" "Gathering by your response, you don't know why he gave you a picture of the sandlot…" "What did he look like?" "I don't know, uh…. Black cloak, whole head was covered, couldn't see his goddamn face."

VIII

Roxas was walking home from the usual spot, roughly around nine o'clock after a full day of mystery hunting.

"Hey sunshine." Roxas looked up from his feet to find a tall, cloaked figure leaning against a lamp, cigarette lit and in hand. "Do I know you?" "I don't know… How much do you remember?" Roxas came closer to the figure and unintentionally inhaled a mouthful of second-hand smoke. He staggered back.

"What's wrong Blondie? Did I scare you?" Roxas shook his head and started to back away from the figure. He had smelt that smoke before… yet none of his friends, or even Seifer for that matter smoked…

Roxas walked quickly away, ignoring the stranger. He was racking his brain, he _had _smelt that smoke, scent… whatever before.

XIII

_Day 4_

_Almonds. It was almonds._


	3. Chapter 3

_C'mon Axel, Pull yourself together…_

"Hey, you!"

_If I get him to trust me again…_

"I'm talking to you so turn around chicken-wuss and face me like a man!"

_Or if I take him by force…_

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

_God. This cigarette is good…_

"What the hell did you want with Roxas today?"

_I don't want to be eliminated and trust takes time… time I don't have._

"You weird fuck, I don't want you hanging around here anymore."

_Shut up motherfucker._

"And why should I care what _you _want?"

"It's my job. Fuck off."

"Well it seems we're all doing our jobs."

VIII

_Day 5_

_Funny thing…_

_I feel like a cigarette, I mean, not actually feeling like I am a cigarette, but I want one._

_I don't smoke, never have._

_I think (sounds crazy) I just want the smell, of that particular cigarette._

_I remember now, it was a Marlboro almond._

_I don't even know what Marlboro is, but somehow I know the type of cigarette he was smoking._

_Oh yeah… Roxas, remind yourself to bash Seifer's head in during the next struggle… I gotta use my pms for something right?_

XIII

"Roxas!"

"Yeah, I'll be right down"

"What are you-"

Roxas looked to the door where Hayner was staring, dumbfounded.

"Ah found it!"

"Found what?"

"I felt like wearing this today."

Hayner looked to see Roxas holding up a neck chain with a key pendant.

"Okay now lets go already."

VIII

"Hey Roxas."

"Hey Pence. What are we doing today?"

Hayner cut in, a look of incredulity on his face.

"What?"

"We are training for struggle today, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"We gotta beat Seifer."

"Okay, I'll meet you guys in the Sandlot, I gotta go get my bat."

"Hurry up missy."

"Not you too Hayner." Groaned Roxas, rolling his eyes at Seifer's name for him.

"Well if you were ready…"

"Okay okay. I'll be right back."

Roxas ran to get his bat whilst his friends started towards the sandlot, Hayner swinging his bat as they walked. Roxas found his bat and dusted it off. _How the hell am I supposed to beat Seifer? I haven't practiced in forever._

Roxas ran back downstairs and ran toward the sandlot, hoping to catch his friends up quickly.

_No one's here._

He looked around, not a person in sight…

"Hey Sunshine."

_Almonds._

"You don't need to practice."

Said the stranger, gesturing towards Roxas' bat, held aloft and ready.

"And why wouldn't I need to practice?" "Two reasons…" He took a drag of his cigarette. "One. You… will remember." "Remember what?" asked Roxas, pangs of frustration starting to set in. The stranger took another drag on his cigarette then put it out on one leather-clad arm. "Two…" continued the stranger, as if Roxas had never spoken. "You won't be here for the struggle match."

Despite his instincts, Roxas stepped closer. "What do you mean?" Roxas was getting scared. The figure lurched up from his leaning position on the wall, taking a step closer to Roxas. Roxas, finally trusting instinct stepped back.

"Roxas…"

"Hey Roxas!" Roxas turned to see Hayner, relief written all over his face.

"Let's practice already."

Roxas looked to the wall where the stranger was…

_He's gone._

"That guy…" "What guy?" "Didn't you see him?" "Roxas… we saw you talking to thin air."

"You were here the whole time? I didn't see you. There was no-one here. How could you have been here… he threatened me…" Roxas sank to his knees, looking exhausted, confused and worried.

"You are so not up to practicing today…" Ollette said, rubbing Roxas' back reassuringly. "Fine. Can we at least hang out?" asked Hayner, disappointed and looking like he wanted to use his struggle bat more than ever. "I know, they've brought back an old flavour of ice-cream… lets go get some." Suggested Pence, looking both worried for Roxas and excited about ice-cream.

"What's it called?" asked Roxas meekly. "Sea-salt." Replied Pence, a dreamy look on his face. "Well I guess the only way to judge it is to try it." The four headed toward the square. Whilst Pence got the ice-creams; Ollette, Hayner and Roxas found a seat on the fence.  
"Here." Said Pence, reaching across to give Roxas one of the blue ice-creams. Roxas looked at it… wondering how a salt ice-cream could make someone want it so much…

Hayner, Pence and Ollette looked at Roxas as he took a bite.  
"So… how does it taste?" asked Hayner. "It tastes like…" Roxas swallowed.

_I've had this ice-cream before…_

XIII

_Day 6_

_It is now ten o'clock, the moon is shining and I now talk to both books and imaginary people…  
imaginary?_

_It seemed so real… _

_Seifer turned up in hospital two hours ago, Vivi told me that they had found lacerations all over his body and the words "head of security" burnt with probably oil and fire on his chest… Vivi also told me they found cigarette burns on his arm…_

_I'm freaking out now… it couldn't be coincidence… what if he's real? What if he comes for me?  
Well I know that when I imagined that he confronted me today, he both scared me and attracted me. It's the cigarette he smokes… the almonds… they smell so familiar… even reassuring. _

_He knows my name…._

VIII

"God this is a good cigarette…"


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey Sunshine…"

"You're not real."

"Hm. Not real eh? You're looking a little dim today sunshine, let me warm you up."

"YOU ARE NOT REAL!"

Roxas sat up in his bed, beads of sweat lining his forehead.

_Not only do I talk to imaginary people, I also fucking dream about them too._

"Hey Roxas…"

_I'm pretty sure I'm awake now…_

"Yes you are wide awake…"

"But you aren't really here…"

"I am here… I'm here because you're here."

Roxas opened his eyes and saw the stranger sitting on his windowsill, smoking his cigarette.

The figure got up and sat on the edge of Roxas' bed.

"If you make so much as a squeak… you'll be my new, shiny ashtray." He said, gesturing towards Roxas with the lit cigarette. Roxas froze… too scared to even move, let alone talk.

"Do you remember anything?" asked the stranger, leaning closer to Roxas.

The smell of the cigarette was so reassuring. _Well, I may be dying anyway… _Roxas reached and took the cigarette from stranger's hands. He took a drag and suppressed a fit of coughs that threatened to burst from his throat. The stranger took the cigarette back, took one last, long drag and put it out on his arm.

"Remember anything now?" asked the stranger. Roxas ignored the question and reached toward the stranger's hood, if he was going to die, he would at least see his killer's face. The stranger allowed his hood to be pushed back from his face.

_Red…_

_I remember._

"Roxas? Roxas?" the stranger shook the unconscious Roxas' shoulder. _Well, I think he remembered._

XIII

"Where's Roxas?" asked Ollette, lounging on the couch in the usual spot. "I dunno, I'll go see whether he's still at home."

Hayner left and started to Roxas' home.

"Roxas! Roxas!" called Hayner just outside Roxas' door. He tried the handle and found it unlocked. He walked in and found an empty bed. Roxas was gone and in his place was a burnt-out cigarette.


	5. Chapter 5

"Do you remember now?"

Roxas woke to the sound of the stranger's voice.

"Who are you?"

"Geez…" the stranger smacked a hand to his face and peered at Roxas between split fingers.

"You really don't remember…"

"Remember what!"

"Who I am… Tell you what, I'll give you more hints." Said the stranger steeping closer to Roxas who was sitting on the ground of the sandlot in his pyjamas. It was night and the sandlot was deserted save for Roxas and the stranger.  
Roxas jumped to his feet and stepped back, ready to run. The stranger stepped back and procured a chakram, his other hand ran through his long, red, spiky hair.

He turned and fixed Roxas with a stare from the corner of his eye. "I'll make you remember." He ran towards Roxas. Roxas was pushed up against a wall, the stranger's hand pinned both his wrists above his head, the chakram was gone.

"Let go of me." Said Roxas quietly, his voice faltering.

"Oh but I want you to remember me… you should remember me." Replied the stranger, his lips close to Roxas' ear. Roxas tried to kick him but his legs were trapped by the stranger's own.

Roxas could smell almonds and smoke on him, along with the red hair, both made volcanic bursts of familiarity and recognition that made Roxas shiver.

"What's wrong sunshine? Starting to remember?" asked the stranger, his face so close to Roxas'. His voice was low and heated and Roxas could feel his breath on his earlobe. Roxas shivered.  
"More hints then?" mused the stranger, his mouth just a couple of centimetres from his own.

The stranger leant and captured Roxas' mouth in a one sided kiss. Roxas tried to keep his lips firmly shut, the smell, it was so reassuring; it was so familiar, so… nice. Roxas opened his lips and the stranger kissed Roxas harder and more heatedly, a feeling of need and loneliness crept over him as he pulled back.  
Roxas opened his eyes and was greeted with a pair of familiar green ones.

_Axel._

VIII

"You remember me now?" asked Axel, fixing Roxas with a worried stare.

"Your name is Axel…" "_And…" _"We…we were close…" "Is that all you remember?" Roxas nodded. "Wow, they really messed your head up." Roxas said nothing.

Axel stood upright and reached inside his cloak for a cigarette, one hand on Roxas' chest. "What are you doing?" asked Roxas. "Heh… they also messed with your intelligence too. I really need a smoke is all." Roxas suddenly slid out from Axel's hand and ran while the other was distracted.

"That's cool Roxy, I'll give you a head start!" shouted Axel to Roxas' retreating back.

Roxas didn't know what to do. That guy… _Axel_, knew where he lived, he knew his friends… where would he hide? Roxas suddenly stopped running, he was at home.

"Mum!" "Dad?" called Roxas, quickly looking in each room of the house. _Where is everyone?_

Roxas ran outside, he headed toward Hayner's home. "Hayner! Hey! Hayner!" called Roxas, throwing stones at the boy's bedroom window. After waiting for a while for a response, Roxas decided to go in. He ran straight up to Hayner's room and switched on the light.

"Crap" sobbed Roxas quietly. It seemed as though all of twilight town was deserted. Roxas ran out and headed toward the usual spot.  
"Just great Roxas…" muttered Roxas after he'd sat down on the old sofa. "You just chose one of the most likely places he'd find you…."  
Roxas looked around for something to use as a weapon against Axel. His eyes fell on Hayner's struggle bat. Roxas picked it up and turned to face the exit, wondering where he'd be safe. "Roxas?" called Axel from outside.

Roxas held his bat ready and walked slowly out of the spot. "Well, at least you found a weapon." Said Axel, smirking. Roxas lunged toward Axel, only to have his attack meet thin air as Axel had dodged. Roxas swung again, Axel dodged again.

"Hey wait a minute, that's not fair." Said Axel, grinning. "What's not fair?" asked Roxas with grinding teeth. "Well _I _can't fight a kid whose lost all his memory and therefore, skills for fighting." "What do you want with me anyway?"

Axel turned his back to Roxas. "It's obvious that you don't remember a thing."


End file.
